Foo foo new agey disclaimer! I've been going through a lot over the past year and finally emotionally crashed and burned. I apologize for the YouTube and blog disappearing act and appreciate all the understanding comments to my video channel.. Looking in the mirror, I am struck by how much I can see my emotions in my locs. Previously, I would shave my head when faced with so much upheaval. This is the first time, I haven't shaved my loc's as my life fell apart around me. Honestly, this is the first time I haven't felt the urge to and it's odd. People say, "it's just hair" but for me... loc's are so much more.
A old friend of mine told me once, she didn't feel her loc's held emotion but rather they acted as some sort of antennae allowing her to release energy and be more sensitive to the world around her. For my past loc's, I always felt they held energy, emotion and experiences. Often, when someone touches my loc's without asking I can feel that hand on my hair for several hours. I couldn't wrap my head around her experiences at all.
Even before I had locs cutting my hair felt empowering and feeing. The first time I went bald was after a difficult evening with an ex that left me feeling lost and broken. I was 17 and walked down Market street to Walgreens to purchase my first set of hair clippers. I brought them home determined. Standing in the mirror I prayed I wouldn't have a funny shaped head like the poor guy at school who went from a flat top to a close fade fail. Nervously, I clipped a few inches of bra strap length afro. It looked like dark wool floating into the sink. A few inches at a time, over and over until... I stared in the mirror at the slightest stubble.
For a moment I just admired it and then I grabbed my razor. I still remember the sound of the razor on my head that first time. It makes me warm and crave the feeling of freedom I felt when I was done. I looked pretty I thought. Of course, my head needed a tan and ran downstairs and after a quick trip to the pool, I ended up with a pigeon pooping on my freshly shaved and sunburnt scalp lmao.
Right now, my locs are frizzier than usual. My scalp is sore and they are proofed out. It looks almost as if they are taking all the emotion and pain in my head and holding it, away from me. On days I am happy, my locs naturally frame my face more and hug closer to my head. Yeah, I know it sounds nuts. But when people ask if I am Rastafarian and I say no. I am Buddhist but that doesn't mean I don't have a spiritual tie to my locs. It doesn't mean I don't wrap my locs when the environment feels damaging or the essence of me-ness feels weak. It just means, I listen to me and pray a pigeon doesn't poop on my head.